Bastards Incorporated
Summary Description Telstra is often its own worst enemy, according to Simon Vandore.
Author

Publication

Roullas Top10 Simon Vandore

Newswire
No


Editorial InformationArticle Location http://www.newswire.com.au/0005/ov16.htm
Article Topic Vandore
Story Order
Story Group 000521
Post Date 16/05/2000 09:02 AM Status Posted Entered by Simon Vandore on 15/05/2000 07:27 PM


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Content
Introduction
"Hello, Telstra? I'd like the phone connected in my new place."

Body
"Certainly, sir."
Address. Billing details. Even a friendly joke.
"I'd like a bar placed on 0055 and 1900 calls. And none of that call waiting stuff, either."
"No problems Mr Vandore. Are you still a journalist?"
OK, can we come to a screeching halt here? One those frozen moments like they do on Charmed, while we try to figure out what's going on. I've never told Telstra I am a journalist and it's just not the sort of information one needs to connect a phone line. Unfreeze.
"Er . . . um . . . We're just updating our records, sir."
Journalist leaves Telstra-branded phone booth. Walks home past Telstra billboard and Foxtel van. Makes calls on Telstra phone. Imagines ***WARNING: MEDIA*** flashing at the top of his customer file. Wonders what 'special' features a journalist receives on his phone line. Tries not to become a conspiracy theorist. Months pass.
"Hello Telstra? I'd like a second line connected."
"Certainly, sir."
Address. Billing details...
"I'm sorry Mr Vandore, but another department now handles line connections in your area. I will have them call you."
Wait, rinse, repeat. And again. Weeks later, I'm still waiting for that return call. The alternative means of freeing up my phone line is Big Pond Cable Internet, but I know two people who recently waited six weeks for their cable connections and are still waiting for the modem. Friends and family now use email, because the phone is engaged.
I once met someone who refused to call Telstra anything other than 'Bastards Incorporated'. While I think that's a little harsh and there's a lot to like about some of its services (ever travelled Australia with a non-Telstra GSM phone?), not many Australians actually like the company. We'll all buy Telstra2 shares because monopolies are a good bet, while dumping the company wherever competition exists.
Regional ISP users often loathe Telstra. You can't get more than 9,600bps on a modem from my Dad's farm, no matter what Telstra claims. The switch from analog to CDMA mobile technology was a royal foul-up and USO tendering cannot come fast enough for some.
Telstra Internet and Big Pond users often feel much the same. The company seems obsessed with volume-related pricing at all levels, resulting in occasional outrage from connected ISPs, right down to cable and modem customers. Odd routing practices haven't helped, and the division retains the feel of an Internet business run by a telephone company. Telstra Internet itself is bursting with expertise, but its parent still doesn't know a Yahoo from a Google.
And so, the other day I was watching ABC News when the phone rang.
"Hello Mr Vandore, this is Telstra. We notice you recently left us for another telephone company and wondered if you could tell us why?"
SOUNDING BOARD: Is competition improving telecommunications in Australia? Have your say!
Vandore is an occasional Newswire column. You can contact Simon Vandore at svandore@acptech.net.


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Bulletin SummaryOpening the Vandore: Bastards incorporated
Telstra is often its own worst enemy, says Simon Vandore.

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Opening the Vandore: Bastards incorporated

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